27-4-2013 Post 2 -A lose/lose type of relationship-
G'day. Today is a bit of an off my chest rant in a way. I openly apologize for leaving this in the start of my blog series, but it is something that has been devouring my life as of the last week, and I need to tell someone. Even if I've never, and will never meet you, please hear me out.
There's always been something I've never understood. How is it you can have a friend, on any level of relationship, who one day just ditches you to spend time with someone who *not thinking I'm perfect or anything* is trashy or in all ways entirely a poor choice of character?
As I'm sure you can gather from this, I've recently had a friend do exactly this. We were fairly good friends, a daily communicational basis of friends for a number of years. Recently this friend has been associating less with me, which is okay, not the clingy type of person. To find out they intentionally hide some amazing new 'friends' and intentionally talking to me less because of it, is something of a displacing factor. I say amazing with the utmost sarcasm by the way, as one instance where this friend was suddenly available to talk was because one of these 'amazing' friends had ditched them to finish off a 6 pack of beer and play video games. Splendid if i do say so myself on the trueness of friendship being displayed.
At this point I'm not sure where I stand. These new friends had influenced my friend to such a point that they really aren't who they were when we met. They've taken on some of the traits, undesirable ones at that. The first question is; do I even want to keep this friend any longer? Our personalities no longer mesh as they once had, a fact I'm still not entirely okay with accepting. Even I have considered myself selfish in these thoughts, as a common opinion of the situation would be at this point. To make criticism of the friends my own friend has made. It probably is, I'm not perfect, but I have a belief of a good environment yields good results. In other words, I cannot surround myself with negative shadows, even if the shadows lie behind the dying light of friendship.
As hard as it is to do, I've decided that I will move on. If my friend is happy, albeit changed, I am happy for them, I trust in the faith that everyone should be happy, and just because it isn't what I want, doesn't mean they can't have it. Sooo.. as long as you're happy S.H, I'm glad you've managed that. This friend of mine tries to tell me I was their best friend, but it doesn't take a specialist to know that best friends don't treat one another in such neglectful ways. Consideration and Compromise are reliable tools ever present in good friendships, but between us have just become great holes that tear us apart in a strong divergence.
Going back to the start of all of this, how is it that one can consider themselves a great friend, and in the blink of an eye vanish for others who really don't care about them? I wish for nothing more than to have my friend back to the way things were at one point, but life works in mysterious ways. I cannot change what has transpired, nor can I turn back time. Move forward, and pray for the best, that is my next plan of action.
I am sorry for including this in the start of my blogs, I really do try to see the best in situations. Having just moved to Australia, knowing no one whatsoever, and having one good friend to talk to from back in my old country, I hoped our friendship could remain the same. Now with this friends' new actions, I find myself a bit alone. There are lessons to be learned, some I see and some are to be seen. This all brings me to my next purpose here though.
Trust, yes a word spoken often and regarded far less than it should be, it is something to look at in all of this. I trusted that my friend could make better choices, could maintain their own unique personality better, and I even trusted myself to stay vigilant in keeping a good friend despite the darker side of things. All trust that was befallen before me, either by outside forces or my very own hand. I have as much to do with this as all other parties involved.
You see, the reason all of the above bothers me at all is much more invested in the lack of trust all around, not the actual events solely. I have a flaw, that is to openly and fully trust those who have lost no trust. It only seems fair to me, to give my all to people I meet, as they have given me no reason not to trust them. I've made a number of friends, as hardly anyone loses the trust I hand out. It opens you to see the best in people quickly, but even after months or years, trust breaks just as easily as a window would. In all cases, I have to remember I am trusting myself first.
Think about it like this: you want to be friends with someone you meet, their first impression seems like somebody you could grow into. You have to ask yourself, are you trusting YOU to give correct amounts of trust to this person, how much can you hand them before you're uncomfortable? In matured relationships I feel the same applies. More trust can be given, but when is it too much? When are you just blatantly just opening yourself up to fail, be hurt, untrustworthy to yourself? It can be stressful, but you learn by making mistakes, we've all been hurt before, sometimes it takes a while to open up to new acquaintances properly after being proven wrong by misjudgement of your own trusting.
The overpowering feelings I've experienced over the past week have all but forced me to share this with you. Even though it is just the tip of the iceberg of the story and past involving my friend, what is relevant has been shared with you. I still hope you may be able to take messages and lessons from what I leave for you here, and extend my invitation to all suggestions and comments you may have about the experiences I share, especially ones like these where I'm not completely able to see the clear path. *I'm sure the broken flow of what I'm writing here shows a bit of how unclear my mind is right now lol*.
I'd like to finish up by saying I do feel a little better to have finally told someone what is on my mind. I want to keep this out of my head as much as possible. I plan to venture out into my new country and meet people without any handicapped bias on trust, friendship, or anything else that has malicious intent on my future with the unknown. Share your experiences, your knowledge, your feelings and ideas, and keep your Mind Ajar to readily take in the same from others. :)
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